


it weighs on me

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: The bad weather is gone, except it's not.orIn which Buck has a bad day and Eddie holds him through it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 7
Kudos: 154





	it weighs on me

The weather is dark. It’s stormy, dreary, gray.  _ Heavy. _

It’s funny, Buck thinks. How the weather just seemed to match his mood completely. 

He feels it. He feels the storm over his head, soaking into his bones and weighing him down more than his turnout gear ever could. Heaviness takes shelter in his chest and doesn’t leave even after the rain stops, even after the day is over.

The storm takes on its own form when he closes his eyes. In place of rain, smoke and flames rage on, screams of terror and cries for help echo, and  _ there’s no way out.  _

When Buck wakes, he doesn’t move. He stares at the wall and tries to breathe. Breathing comes hard but he can’t carry the weight so he stays under his wool blankets and stares at his wall that’s soaked in sunlight. The bad weather is gone, except it’s  _ not. _

He doesn’t know how much time passes as he watches the sun set outside of his window. He’s distantly aware that his phone is ringing but he can’t bring himself to care about it. If it’s important, he’ll find out when the fog clears.

Calls haven’t gone his way before, this isn’t new. It’s part of the job, he was aware of this when he applied to the LAFD, he knew they couldn’t save everyone. He takes every loss personally, it hurts the same every time. He can usually snap himself out of it after a nap or a shift, but tonight is different. 

He feels paralyzed.

He doesn’t sleep again. His eyes stay trained on his wall for hours. He watches the sunrise, and he tears up when the heaviness doesn’t leave.

Distantly, he hears a knock at his door and a few minutes later, the turn of a key unlocking the door. He hears it but it doesn’t register in his mind that someone is here until he feels his covers being lifted and an arm wraps around his chest.

His boyfriend’s presence does nothing to lighten the weight in his chest but he sinks into his touch. His warmth.

Eddie kisses his shoulder and his breath hitches in his throat, his vision suddenly blurred by unshed tears. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie whispers. “You’re okay.”

That’s all it takes to break him. The storm in his mind is pouring out of him in the form of body wracking sobs and salty tears. Eddie’s arm is tight around his waist and his other hand is running through his hair, untangling the knots that formed in the last twenty-four hours of isolation. 

“It won’t leave,” Buck chokes out in the middle of his tears.

“What won’t, baby?” Eddie whispers and his grip tightens even more as if to squeeze the unhappiness out of Buck. 

“The heaviness.” 

Eddie doesn’t reply. Not verbally, at least. He kisses his shoulder again, then his cheek, and his jaw. He holds him through it all and when the tears seem to run out, he’s exhausted.

Not only is he exhausted, he’s numb. 

But he feels the heaviness seep out of his body the second he’s done crying, and all he wants to do is sleep. 

“Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

So he does. He sleeps a dreamless sleep in the arms of the man he loves and when he wakes, things are _ lighter.  _

**Author's Note:**

> they're not lying when they tell you how much it hurts to lose someone as a firefighter. projected onto buck like usual, but it did help sort out feelings SO THANKS BUCK.
> 
> comment, kudos?????


End file.
